My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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