just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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