You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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