its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Actions speak louder than pants.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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