My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
