he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She has the best kind of daddy issues
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
