I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize