worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
