im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
