I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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