Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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