Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
