I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
