where does the pee come out of this thing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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