God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
