how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
