I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
