U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
