I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
