Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
