i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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