my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
