Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize