Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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