My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
