shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize