I want to stick my p in your. b.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize