Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
