I wanna passion pit in your ass
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
