You can't special order awesome
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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