Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
