My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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