Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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