Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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