I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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