That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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