Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
