What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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