Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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