Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
