"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize