I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
