I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
