i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
