Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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