Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
