i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
