Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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