so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
