Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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