Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
