I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
