if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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