just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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