Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
