I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
