Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just pee around me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
