OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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