i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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