My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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