So drunk its hurt
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
