also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
