My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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