we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
