totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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