Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ttyl tear gas
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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